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therumjournalsTitle: Choice
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
therumjournals
Fandom: Star Trek Reboot
Pairings: Kirk/McCoy, Kirk/Spock
Rating: R for language
Description: An angsty story, told in 10, 100-word drabbles.
Part 6 of the Beyond Measure series.
Previous Installment: Apart
Back to the beginning: Torn
1.
“Reporting for duty, Captain.”
“Thank you, Commander.”
They nodded curtly to each other as Spock stepped off the turbolift onto the Bridge.
They had always claimed they could do this – run the ship without distraction, leave the complexities of their relationships off the Bridge. And so far, they always had. But now, between their locked gazes, there flashed a moment of doubt. Could they really go on, making decisions as if their hearts didn’t ache, acting as if the captain’s fists weren’t clenched tightly on the armrests of his chair?
Uhura closed her eyes and hoped desperately that they could.
2.
Bones’ hands shook as he re-organized the hyposprays for the fifth time. At least he could avoid the icy atmosphere of the Bridge. For a moment he almost felt bad for Spock. Then he remembered how this whole thing had started – Spock, strutting around like a cocky bastard, so certain, so sure that some invisible bond was holding them together, could hold Jim to him like some fucking pre-destined soulmate.
Okay, so maybe Spock hadn’t actually been strutting.
Bones couldn’t deny what he himself felt when he touched Jim, that tangible connection, as real as Jim’s skin under his fingertips.
3.
“If this had ever been an option, I would have figured it out by now. Bones, how can you ask me to choose, when you know…”
“That you won’t choose me?”
“That’s not what I meant.” Jim wrapped Bones tightly in his arms. “I could never let you go.”
***
Spock had seen his mother cry, tears streaming down her face, her body shaking with sobs. But he had never experienced her sadness as he did Jim’s, had never understood how it felt to have your heart divided in two. Had never held so tightly to someone and hoped so hard.
4.
Uhura gripped Spock firmly by the arm and yanked him into sickbay. She glared at McCoy, then at Spock. “Fuck you. And fuck you. Fuck you both.” She threw a PADD onto the biobed between them.
Bones picked it up. “You hacked into the Captain’s private communications network?”
“That’s the least of your problems right now, McCoy. The least of all our problems.”
Bones looked at the blinking message.
“To: Captain James T. Kirk
From: Admiral Barnett
CLASSIFIED
Your request to lead the combat team to Chaiya has been approved.
Please report to the USS Vigilant one week from today.”
5.
"This is what you want?" Bones was yelling. "You want to go and get yourself killed?"
Jim was calm, his voice flat. "You told me I had to choose. This is my choice."
"That's not what I meant - Jim, you can't-"
"No, I can’t!” Now he was yelling, too. "I know what I asked of you, what I put you both through. And I'm sorry. But what you’re asking of me…” His voice broke. “I just can’t.” He looked up wearily. “I won’t get myself killed. I just need to leave.”
“To leave us.”
“You’ve left me no choice.”
6.
“Dr. McCoy. This is an unexpected surprise. How are things aboard the Enterprise?”
“Admiral Barnett, with all due respect… are you out of your mind?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You can’t seriously let Jim Kirk leave the Enterprise to join a combat mission.”
“Captain Kirk has proven himself quite capable in combat situations. I expect he will be a valuable leader in what happens to be a classified mission - how do you know about this?”
“He’s on a suicide mission, do you understand me? He is trying to get himself killed here.”
“Now why would he do that, Doctor?”
7.
“Commander Spock. How nice to hear from you.”
“Admiral Barnett, I must request a favor of you.”
“A favor?”
“Please rescind your approval of Captain Kirk’s request to join a combat mission.”
“Spock, this is an opportunity for you. You do understand that you’ll be captain in his absence?”
“With all due respect, sir, I will not captain the Enterprise.”
“Are you aware that Dr. McCoy has approached me with a similar request?”
“Dr. McCoy has contacted you regarding this matter?”
“He has. Am I correct in assuming that this involves… how shall I say this… matters of the heart?”
8.
“You told Barnett.”
“I didn’t tell him.”
“In that case, he is very perceptive.”
“I may have… implied.”
“Doctor…”
“I wasn’t explicit, okay? I just… I was trying to be persuasive.”
“Your actions could place our careers in jeopardy.”
“What’s more important, Spock, our careers or-“
“Jim.”
“Yeah. Exactly. Look, Spock, I want to tell you that… I’m sorry. About everything.”
“I am sorry as well.”
Spock reached out, then hesitated, his hand hovering above the doctor’s shoulder.
Bones reached up to pull Spock’s hand the rest of the way, gripping it for a moment.
“Can he ever forgive us?”
9.
“Commander. Doctor. Starfleet has determined that the Captain’s services for the Chaiyan combat mission are no longer required.”
Bones exhaled in relief.
“Have you informed the captain?”
“I sent him a message. I have not received his response.”
Spock ended the transmission, and they ran.
There was no response at the locked door of Jim’s quarters. Bones’ override code didn’t work. Spock pushed him aside and pulled his phaser, blasting the control panel. The door slid open.
They found him sitting in the corner like a child, amidst the wreckage of his room. His blue eyes were dark with anguish.
10.
Spock grabbed Jim by the front of his shirt, lifted him up, and tossed him unceremoniously onto the bed. He struggled to sit up, protesting. Bones put a hand over Jim’s mouth and threw a leg over his thighs, pinning him. Spock slid onto the bed, pressing against Jim’s other side, twisting a hand in Jim’s hair. The three of them lay still for a moment, catching their breath. Jim’s eyes were wide with confusion. Bones opened his mouth to speak, but no words would come. He gave Spock a pleading look.
Author:
therumjournalsFandom: Star Trek Reboot
Pairings: Kirk/McCoy, Kirk/Spock
Rating: R for language
Description: An angsty story, told in 10, 100-word drabbles.
Part 6 of the Beyond Measure series.
Previous Installment: Apart
Back to the beginning: Torn
1.
“Reporting for duty, Captain.”
“Thank you, Commander.”
They nodded curtly to each other as Spock stepped off the turbolift onto the Bridge.
They had always claimed they could do this – run the ship without distraction, leave the complexities of their relationships off the Bridge. And so far, they always had. But now, between their locked gazes, there flashed a moment of doubt. Could they really go on, making decisions as if their hearts didn’t ache, acting as if the captain’s fists weren’t clenched tightly on the armrests of his chair?
Uhura closed her eyes and hoped desperately that they could.
2.
Bones’ hands shook as he re-organized the hyposprays for the fifth time. At least he could avoid the icy atmosphere of the Bridge. For a moment he almost felt bad for Spock. Then he remembered how this whole thing had started – Spock, strutting around like a cocky bastard, so certain, so sure that some invisible bond was holding them together, could hold Jim to him like some fucking pre-destined soulmate.
Okay, so maybe Spock hadn’t actually been strutting.
Bones couldn’t deny what he himself felt when he touched Jim, that tangible connection, as real as Jim’s skin under his fingertips.
3.
“If this had ever been an option, I would have figured it out by now. Bones, how can you ask me to choose, when you know…”
“That you won’t choose me?”
“That’s not what I meant.” Jim wrapped Bones tightly in his arms. “I could never let you go.”
***
Spock had seen his mother cry, tears streaming down her face, her body shaking with sobs. But he had never experienced her sadness as he did Jim’s, had never understood how it felt to have your heart divided in two. Had never held so tightly to someone and hoped so hard.
4.
Uhura gripped Spock firmly by the arm and yanked him into sickbay. She glared at McCoy, then at Spock. “Fuck you. And fuck you. Fuck you both.” She threw a PADD onto the biobed between them.
Bones picked it up. “You hacked into the Captain’s private communications network?”
“That’s the least of your problems right now, McCoy. The least of all our problems.”
Bones looked at the blinking message.
“To: Captain James T. Kirk
From: Admiral Barnett
CLASSIFIED
Your request to lead the combat team to Chaiya has been approved.
Please report to the USS Vigilant one week from today.”
5.
"This is what you want?" Bones was yelling. "You want to go and get yourself killed?"
Jim was calm, his voice flat. "You told me I had to choose. This is my choice."
"That's not what I meant - Jim, you can't-"
"No, I can’t!” Now he was yelling, too. "I know what I asked of you, what I put you both through. And I'm sorry. But what you’re asking of me…” His voice broke. “I just can’t.” He looked up wearily. “I won’t get myself killed. I just need to leave.”
“To leave us.”
“You’ve left me no choice.”
6.
“Dr. McCoy. This is an unexpected surprise. How are things aboard the Enterprise?”
“Admiral Barnett, with all due respect… are you out of your mind?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You can’t seriously let Jim Kirk leave the Enterprise to join a combat mission.”
“Captain Kirk has proven himself quite capable in combat situations. I expect he will be a valuable leader in what happens to be a classified mission - how do you know about this?”
“He’s on a suicide mission, do you understand me? He is trying to get himself killed here.”
“Now why would he do that, Doctor?”
7.
“Commander Spock. How nice to hear from you.”
“Admiral Barnett, I must request a favor of you.”
“A favor?”
“Please rescind your approval of Captain Kirk’s request to join a combat mission.”
“Spock, this is an opportunity for you. You do understand that you’ll be captain in his absence?”
“With all due respect, sir, I will not captain the Enterprise.”
“Are you aware that Dr. McCoy has approached me with a similar request?”
“Dr. McCoy has contacted you regarding this matter?”
“He has. Am I correct in assuming that this involves… how shall I say this… matters of the heart?”
8.
“You told Barnett.”
“I didn’t tell him.”
“In that case, he is very perceptive.”
“I may have… implied.”
“Doctor…”
“I wasn’t explicit, okay? I just… I was trying to be persuasive.”
“Your actions could place our careers in jeopardy.”
“What’s more important, Spock, our careers or-“
“Jim.”
“Yeah. Exactly. Look, Spock, I want to tell you that… I’m sorry. About everything.”
“I am sorry as well.”
Spock reached out, then hesitated, his hand hovering above the doctor’s shoulder.
Bones reached up to pull Spock’s hand the rest of the way, gripping it for a moment.
“Can he ever forgive us?”
9.
“Commander. Doctor. Starfleet has determined that the Captain’s services for the Chaiyan combat mission are no longer required.”
Bones exhaled in relief.
“Have you informed the captain?”
“I sent him a message. I have not received his response.”
Spock ended the transmission, and they ran.
There was no response at the locked door of Jim’s quarters. Bones’ override code didn’t work. Spock pushed him aside and pulled his phaser, blasting the control panel. The door slid open.
They found him sitting in the corner like a child, amidst the wreckage of his room. His blue eyes were dark with anguish.
10.
Spock grabbed Jim by the front of his shirt, lifted him up, and tossed him unceremoniously onto the bed. He struggled to sit up, protesting. Bones put a hand over Jim’s mouth and threw a leg over his thighs, pinning him. Spock slid onto the bed, pressing against Jim’s other side, twisting a hand in Jim’s hair. The three of them lay still for a moment, catching their breath. Jim’s eyes were wide with confusion. Bones opened his mouth to speak, but no words would come. He gave Spock a pleading look.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-11-19 02:09 am (UTC)GAHH SO CRUEL TO ME. ;___;
THAT. THAT.
thatisthereasonican'twaitformore. :B
no subject
Date: 2009-11-20 02:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-19 02:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-20 02:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-19 03:18 am (UTC)At least you update quickly. I don't know what I do if I had to wait weeks and weeks for an update. Actually cry I'm sure. Bah.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-20 02:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-19 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-20 02:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-19 05:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-20 02:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-19 06:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-20 02:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-19 12:04 pm (UTC)But knowing you, there's probably going to be more angst ahead. I'll read it, because it will be awesome.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-20 02:14 am (UTC)