therumjournals: (chris happy)
[personal profile] therumjournals
Title: Minty Fresh
Author: [livejournal.com profile] therumjournals
Fandom: Star Trek RPF
Pairing: Chris/Zach
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1,100
Description: "This is so wrong,” he mumbled. “Toothpaste should not be sexy.”
A/N: My Trek-wife [livejournal.com profile] mintcloud needed some cheering up, so I wrote some porny Pinto porn. Hope it helps a little, bb!
ETA: Now part of a little PWP series that I'm calling Zach's Rules.




“CHRIS!” Zach bellowed from the bathroom.

Chris rolled his eyes and scowled into his closet. “What?”

“How many times have I told you to put the cap on the fucking toothpaste?!”

Oh Christ. He was going to start on this now? Chris was already running late for his coffee-and-newspaper, which could end up throwing off his whole day.

“I’ll buy you a new tube, princess!” he yelled back. He pulled on a pair of jeans and zipped them up, wondering if he should even bother.

“That’s not the point!”

Chris wandered over to the bathroom, where Zach had somehow managed to start brushing his teeth despite his complaints. “What exactly is the problem?” he asked calmly, leaning against the doorway.

“The problem,” Zach said, pulling his toothbrush from his mouth and pointing it at Chris's reflection in the mirror, “is that you never listen to me. You know how much it pisses me off!”

“Well, yeah, but that’s because you’re an anal bitch.”

Zach narrowed his eyes at Chris in the mirror, wondered if he was really getting the full effect that way, and turned to glower directly at Chris. “You’re a slob.”

Chris took a step toward him. “You’re a demanding, nitpicky, neat-freak,” he said, taking a step forward on each word until he had Zach pinned back against the bathroom counter.

“You’re a…a…fuck.” Zach tossed his toothbrush to the side and pulled Chris in for a kiss. Chris plunged his tongue into Zach’s minty, sticky mouth and they kissed desperately for a long moment until Chris pulled back.

“This is kind of disgusting.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

They turned to the sink, laughing as they splashed water into their mouths to rinse out the toothpaste, then they were on each other again, and Chris urged Zach up onto the counter. He leaned back on his hands to let Chris drop kisses across his chest, and let his head smack back against the mirror as Chris ran his hands down the sensitive skin over his ribs. Chris grinned mischievously, reached for the (still-uncapped) toothpaste tube, and squeezed a tiny dab of the minty paste onto each of Zach’s nipples.

“What the fuck?” Zach said, looking down at his chest.

Chris swiped his tongue over Zach’s right nipple and blew lightly on it, cool air hitting the remnants of mint, and Zach felt his whole body tingle at the sensation. “This is so wrong,” he mumbled. “Toothpaste should not be sexy – fuh-uhhhh-uck,” he moaned, squirming as Chris sucked Crest off of his left nipple and raked his teeth against it as he slid his tongue down Zach’s chest.

Zach shifted his hips to let Chris slide his boxers off and wondered if maybe he should push the tube of toothpaste out of Chris’s way before he came up with any more ideas. But Chris was focused on dragging his tongue slowly up Zach’s engorged cock, leaving behind a cool trail of mint that sent shivers down his spine. Chris licked wet circles around the head, and Zach bucked his hips at the sensation.

“You like that?” Chris breathed.

“Fuck, so…tingly,” Zach said, closing his eyes as Chris tongued at his slit. “So minty fresh.” Chris laughed, a puff of air against Zach’s damp skin. “Stop teasing, Chris,” Zach begged.

“Yeah? Tell me what you want,” Chris demanded, pausing with his mouth open just above the swollen tip.

Zach pushed a hand into Chris’s hair. “Come on, uh…brush your teeth with my dick,” he panted, and then he had to pull Chris up by the hair because he nearly fell down laughing.

“Think you may be taking the toothpaste analogies a little too far,” Chris chuckled, but he composed himself enough to wrap his lips around Zach’s length. He took Zach in as far as he could, moaning appreciatively. Zach tipped his head back and lost himself in the heat and pressure of Chris’s mouth, the sensation of his imminent climax echoing from his mint-cool nipples to the tips of his toes, until he came with a shout, pulsing hotly into Chris’s throat.

Chris pulled away before he could swallow it all, and Zach tipped his head down for a kiss, licking into Chris’s mouth, tasting himself until there was nothing left.

“Tastes good,” he said, breaking the kiss with a smile.

“Mmm,” Chris murmured against his skin, “for a minute there, I thought you were going to ask me to gargle with it.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Zach chuckled, sliding off the counter and pushing Chris gently against the opposite wall. He rested his hands lightly on Chris’s hips as they kissed. “Aren’t you running late for your coffee-and-newspaper?” he asked, his voice teasing. In response, he felt Chris’s hands on his shoulders, pushing him down.

“Yeah, I am,” Chris breathed. “So get down there.”

“So needy,” Zach said, but he slid willingly to his knees and made quick work of Chris’s fly. “Can’t believe you got dressed,” Zach said, mouthing over Chris’s straining boxers. “When will you ever learn, Christopher?”

“Never,” Chris gasped, shoving his pants over his hips, urging Zach on. “And I’m never… guhh… ever fucking putting the cap back on the toothpaste either.”

Zach didn’t respond, other than to slide his mouth over Chris’s cock and suck until he could feel him against the inside of his cheeks. Chris groaned and fisted his hands in his own hair, gritting his teeth to try to make it last. Not that he didn’t appreciate Zach’s lack of teasing and his single-minded purpose, but Jesus.

“You…fuck…you haven’t taken a shower yet, have you?” Chris managed to ask.

“Mm-mm,” Zach confirmed around his cock.

“Fuck, Zach, I’m close.” He reached down to take a hold of himself as Zach pulled away. Zach leaned back with a knowing grin, his eyes flicking from Chris’s lust-darkened eyes to his fist flying over his cock until came hard across Zach’s chest.

Chris offered Zach a hand, helping him up so he could pull him close, and they wrapped their arms around each other in a messy embrace.

“Shower,” Zach said, tugging at the waistband of Chris’s jeans.

“Fuck,” Chris breathed. “I’m never going to get my coffee, am I?”

“Come on, Christopher,” Zach chided, stepping into the shower. “Cleanliness is next to godliness and all that.”

“Where exactly is horniness on that scale?” Chris asked, stepping out of his jeans.

“Get your ass in here,” Zach said from under a cloud of steam, “and maybe you’ll find out.”

Never let it be said that Chris Pine underestimated the importance of good hygiene.

Date: 2010-04-14 01:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] acacia-123.livejournal.com
i lol'd irl at this

Come on, uh…brush your teeth with my dick

Date: 2010-04-14 03:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
thanks :-D apparently you weren't the only one who liked that line...

Date: 2010-04-14 02:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lalazee.livejournal.com
Oh. Okay. Best advertisement for Crest on planet Earth, and Vulcan, and Orion and...

and i made this for you LOL


Image (http://tinypic.com)

and even this LOL

Image (http://tinypic.com)

I LOVED THIS!

Date: 2010-04-14 03:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfbreedchild.livejournal.com
omg. you win at life!

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From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-14 03:50 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] acacia-123.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-15 01:14 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] lifebehindadesk.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-15 03:20 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] littlelightss.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-15 03:32 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-04-14 03:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfbreedchild.livejournal.com
ahahahahha!

And here I thought for a second that it was the Pinto Fight of Doom That Turns HBC On that I was reading until the ending up rinsing out their mouths bc of the toothpaste!

LOLing forever.


Date: 2010-04-14 03:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
ha ha, trust me bb, you'll know when that one comes, because it will have your name all over it. literally. or something.

and actually this fic started out supposed to be something totally different and turned into total PWP bathroom sex. what can i say, i go where the muse takes me. and the muse is kinda fucked up. and horny.

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From: [identity profile] halfbreedchild.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-14 03:53 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-16 02:44 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-04-14 03:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perdiccas.livejournal.com
HOT! And HILARIOUS! I don't know about mintcloud but this totally started my day off to a great start. :D

Date: 2010-04-14 03:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
aww, thanks! glad i could get you off (heh) to a good start!

Date: 2010-04-14 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-deep-magic.livejournal.com
“Can’t believe you got dressed,” Zach said, mouthing over Chris’s straining boxers. “When will you ever learn, Christopher?”

Chris should never get dressed. This is a fact.

Yaaay, this was such a fun little fic!

Date: 2010-04-14 11:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
haha, that is a fact indeed. what was he thinking? thanks!!

Date: 2010-04-14 05:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyblahblah.livejournal.com
Okay, it's not fair to write things where I can't figure out whether to spontaneously combust at the sexytiems or keel over laughing at . . . everything else. XD

ILU. Long time.

Date: 2010-04-14 11:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
what can i say, i like to mess with your head like that ;-) but you just keep coming back for more! (Thanks!)

Date: 2010-04-15 01:37 am (UTC)
ext_375859: (Zach Salute)
From: [identity profile] izzyfics.livejournal.com
mmmm...morning scenes are so great and this one was both domestic and frickin' hot.

Date: 2010-04-15 11:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
thanks!! i like picturing them in the morning being all domestic (and hot)

Date: 2010-04-15 01:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] screamlet.livejournal.com
My favorite part was how they were LAUGHING the whole time, omg, way to hit my kink.

Date: 2010-04-15 11:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
yay! i'm glad people like some laughter in their sex :-)

Date: 2010-04-15 02:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cedarrapidsgirl.livejournal.com
hm...anything with Crest white strips?

I LOVED, btw..

Date: 2010-04-15 11:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
ha ha, i'll just go through the medicine cabinet and come up with fic ideas ;-) thanks!

Date: 2010-04-15 02:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lindarella123.livejournal.com
Loved this fic so much. I'll never look at toothpaste the same way again. This fic is minty fresh indeed. Great job.

Date: 2010-04-15 11:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
ha ha, thanks! you'll be all "why do i get turned on whenever i brush my teeth?"

Date: 2010-04-15 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1lostone.livejournal.com
BWAHAhAHA

is it a bad thing that I totes want to go buy Crest now? Or Zach's dick? Really, I'm not picky.

Date: 2010-04-15 11:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
ha ha, seriously. i'm expecting a check from Crest any day now....

Date: 2010-04-15 03:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lifebehindadesk.livejournal.com
You should work for Crest.

You would make a killing in the marketing campaign.

Date: 2010-04-15 11:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
i'll write them a letter with my suggestions ;-) thanks!!!

Date: 2010-04-15 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] littlelightss.livejournal.com
How you got me to go from "wait, what, dental hygiene?" to "oh, dental hygiene" is beyond me, but I love it nonetheless!

And it's cute, and funny, and hot damn, it's just about everything. ♥

Date: 2010-04-15 11:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
thanks! spreading the gospel of dental product sex hygiene, that's what i do! ;-) so glad you liked the fic!

Date: 2010-04-15 03:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sunhawk.livejournal.com
LOL! That's a new one to me: toothpaste blowjob ROFL! And I'm so glad you didn't have either of them try to use toothpaste as lube, hurray! XD

Date: 2010-04-15 11:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
yeah, i realized i could have gone a lot farther with the dental products, but i made a conscious decision to quit while i was ahead. glad you appreciated it!

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From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-16 12:40 am (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] beedlebarg.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-15 11:37 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-04-15 04:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] htebazytook.livejournal.com
Yes please XD

Date: 2010-04-15 11:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
indeed! thanks :-D

Date: 2010-04-15 05:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anodrethlluvine.livejournal.com
This wins Best PSA for Dental Hygiene Ever! Zach is so dedicated when it comes to props. :D

Date: 2010-04-15 11:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
gotta get creative somehow ;-) thanks!!!

Date: 2010-04-15 08:21 am (UTC)
ext_101084: (Omg yay; Robots in Disguise)
From: [identity profile] placebobitch.livejournal.com
Adorable, hot and minty! :D

Date: 2010-04-15 11:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
thanks!! :-D

Date: 2010-04-15 09:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aliassmith.livejournal.com
“Fuck, so…tingly,” Zach said, closing his eyes as Chris tongued at his slit. “So minty fresh.”

Gotta love the dirty (clean?) talk ;)

Just when I was debating whether or not the sex was getting stale in Pintoland (and now that I've written that I realise that's a horrible phrase. Stale sex? Just... ew), you come up with this and open up a whole new world of household product sexings. Ahthankyou :D

Date: 2010-04-15 11:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
i try to keep it fresh (heh)! glad it worked, thanks so much!! :-D

Date: 2010-04-15 11:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beedlebarg.livejournal.com
You are just all kinds of wrong in the head. Don't go changing, BB <4

This --> Zach narrowed his eyes at Chris in the mirror, wondered if he was really getting the full effect that way, and turned to glower directly at Chris <-- is EXACTLY how I picture Zach, juuuuust a little bit vain and too stuck in his own head half the time. Nice jorb fitting that into one sentence!

Date: 2010-04-16 12:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
ha ha! thanks, bb! now, hypothetically, would it make it more or less wrong if i were to tell you my dad is a dentist? Hypothetically.

and thanks for the comment about that sentence! i love it when characterizations come through like that :-)

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From: [identity profile] beedlebarg.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-04-16 04:24 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-04-15 06:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coeurdesoleil.livejournal.com
Hahahahaha, this was such a fun read! I love fics that combine sexy times with lulz and I gotta say, no one writes that combination better than you!

Thanks for sharing this awesomeness!

Date: 2010-04-16 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
thanks :-) i think that's a pretty good skill, so that's a huge compliment!! i'll try to keep up the good work :-)

Date: 2010-04-17 08:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tikra.livejournal.com
oh hell YES

What can be more perfect that starting off the weekend with a cup of hot coffee and some pinto porn? THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING. Made my morning :)

Date: 2010-04-17 12:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
Not much could be better, I'd imagine! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Now off to find myself some coffee and porn, because that sounds perfect! :-D

Date: 2010-04-18 04:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adoorhasopened.livejournal.com
Damn, your last lines are just perfect. The icing to a delish Pinto cupcake.

Date: 2010-04-18 06:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
aww, thanks! i always get nervous about the endings, so it's good to hear that i manage to pull it off usually! thanks for reading and commenting :-D

Date: 2010-05-25 04:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blue-jack.livejournal.com
ROFLMAO!!! Oh man, there's taking a metaphor to its logical conclusion, and then there's Zach. XDXDXD So funny.

Date: 2010-05-25 11:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
seriously. oh zach. thanks :-D

Date: 2010-05-25 04:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snoewhite.livejournal.com
toothpaste porn? I need the pornbulance again!
*whewwhewwhew* <~~~ siren

Date: 2010-05-25 11:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
yeah, i went there. and i think you liked it ;-)

Date: 2010-05-25 07:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] savoytruffle.livejournal.com
love, love, love the banter! makes the sexy even sexier.

Date: 2010-05-25 11:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] therumjournals.livejournal.com
thanks! these are way too fun to write.

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