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therumjournalsTitle: Gavin / Broken / Moment
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
therumjournals
Fandom: Star Trek RPF
Pairing: Chris/Zach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,200
Description: An end, and a beginning. (Coffee Fix ‘verse.)
A/N: I switched the order around in this a little. But I really didn’t want to end with the angst this time. You can probably figure it out, but remember there is now a timeline if you’re confused.
Gavin
“Should we look at the list again?” Chris asked. They were grabbing dinner in the hospital cafeteria, after the nurse had threatened to physically escort them there if Chris didn’t stop asking for updates every five minutes.
“You still carrying that around?”
“Yeah.” Chris pulled out the crinkled list of potential names and looked at it intently. “Did you show Joe this list?” he asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Because someone wrote Joseph Awesomepants Quinto on here. Just a guess.”
Zach laughed. “I’d take that into consideration.”
“You’d take anything into consideration.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re the only person on earth who would name their dog Noah and then suggest naming their son Lucky.”
“What, I like that name!”
“You’re confused. And then you wouldn’t even consider my suggestion.”
“Which was?”
“Christopher Zachary Pine Quinto Junior. We could call him CZ for short!”
“Chris, didn’t I give you a blowjob for promising never to suggest that name again?”
Chris smiled at the memory. “Fine. We could go with Zachary Christopher instead.”
**
"We're insane."
"You said that last time we were here."
"No, last time I asked if we were insane. This time, I know we are."
Zach knelt down next to Chris and rested his elbows on Chris's knees. "Hey." He reached up and took hold of Chris's chin, giving him a little shake. "We're awesome dads."
"I know, I know we are."
"Remember when Jesse was a baby?"
Chris closed his eyes and thought back to a blissful time when the words "stop licking the floor" did not cross his lips on a daily basis. He smiled. "Yeah," he said with a happy sigh.
"This is going to be great."
"I know," Chris said, and he leaned down to kiss Zach gently on the lips. They looked up together as they heard footsteps and the doctor said, "Okay, it's time."
**
“Which one of you wants to hold him first?” Chris stepped forward and the nurse set the baby gently in his arms. Chris’s smile lit up the room.
Zach stood close and they looked down at him together, at his little face and his eager, intelligent eyes.
“Gavin, right?” said Chris.
“Yeah. Definitely Gavin.”
“Hi, Gavin,” Chris cooed, trying it out.
“Hi, little Gavin,” Zach said. “We’re your dads.”
Broken
One minute, Chris was screaming at Zach, letting everything out, everything he’d sworn he wouldn’t say, and he was pacing and ranting because he just couldn’t get through to Zach, couldn’t get his point across, couldn’t make Zach listen and understand and change.
And then he was done, and he was standing in the middle of the room, his chest heaving, waiting for Zach to scream back at him.
The room was utterly silent for a long moment before Zach stood up, and Chris prepared himself for an onslaught of the calm, cutting remarks that Zach used like weapons. But instead of the composed cruelty that he almost wanted to see on Zach’s face, he saw only a resigned sadness, and he knew that this time, something was different.
“I can’t do this,” Zach said, and he walked out of the house.
**
Zach came back that night in time to tuck the boys in, but there was no make-up sex, and neither of them were too surprised a few days later when Zach signed the lease on a large two-bedroom apartment ten minutes away.
Zach gave Chris a copy of the key and said he didn’t want to do this, but they’d both stopped crying by the time Zach dragged his last suitcase out the front door.
Chris gave in and let the boys climb into bed with him four nights in a row, and debated the ethics of asking them not to tell their father. He didn’t, and it came back to bite him in the ass, as expected, when Zach called him the next week and started with, “I thought we agreed how important it is to maintain a routine.”
“I know, Zach. I’m sorry. It was just hard.”
“Yeah, I’m aware. Jesus, Chris, are you really going to tell me how much it fucking sucks to sleep alone?”
“Sorry,” Chris said, chastened.
“I don’t want them to get confused about whose rules they’re supposed to be following, okay? This is important.”
“I know,” Chris said, rolling his eyes. He was pretty sure he’d been the one to come up with these ideas about consistency and routines and rules, and now Zach was lecturing him. It was ironic, but when it came right down to it, he couldn’t hold it against Zach for reminding him. It’s not like there was anyone else to do it.
Moment
Chris paused at the bottom of the stairs, sniffed the air suspiciously, and turned toward the living room instead of the kitchen. He rested his hands on the back of the couch and stood quietly for a long moment, watching Zach sleep. He’d been out, Chris could tell by the faint smell of second-hand smoke and the product in his hair. He hadn’t even taken his leather jacket off before falling asleep on the couch. Chris wondered what time he’d let himself in, and stepped away quietly to put on the coffee.
The coffee wasn’t even finished before he found his way back to the living room. This time, Zach stirred, rubbed his eyes and looked sleepily up at Chris. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Sorry. I was out late. Thought I would just come by to see the boys off to school.”
“Yeah,” said Chris. He paused, then cracked a smile as he asked, “You know, I have managed to get them successfully to school for about three years now.”
“I know. I just like to be here.”
Chris walked around to the front of the couch and gestured for Zach to sit up a bit. He sat and tugged Zach back down by the shoulder until his head rested in Chris’s lap. Chris ran a hand through Zach’s hair and rested his other hand on Zach’s chest. He tipped his head back against the couch cushions and tried to figure out what was making his heart clench in his chest – the fact that he could feel his resistance slipping away, or the fact that he’d waited so long to give in.
“Come to dinner tomorrow night,” Chris said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“You know that’ll be, like, our fourth date.”
Chris laughed. “Yeah. Momentous, I think.”
“I think,” Zach said, setting his hand over Chris’s where it rested on his chest.
“I love you.” Chris squeezed his eyes shut when he said it, wondering if the timing was right. They were doing this in a different order than before, but it was the right order, he thought, and it felt…momentous.
Zach had shifted a little to look up at him, waiting while he caught his breath, which seemed to have escaped him along with those words.
He reached up to touch his fingers to Chris’s cheek and he said, “Me too,” and Chris closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to the pad of Zach’s thumb.
“I’m going to go get the boys up,” Chris said, gently sliding out from under Zach’s shoulders and standing up. “There’s coffee if you want it.”
(Continued)
Author:
therumjournalsFandom: Star Trek RPF
Pairing: Chris/Zach
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,200
Description: An end, and a beginning. (Coffee Fix ‘verse.)
A/N: I switched the order around in this a little. But I really didn’t want to end with the angst this time. You can probably figure it out, but remember there is now a timeline if you’re confused.
Gavin
“Should we look at the list again?” Chris asked. They were grabbing dinner in the hospital cafeteria, after the nurse had threatened to physically escort them there if Chris didn’t stop asking for updates every five minutes.
“You still carrying that around?”
“Yeah.” Chris pulled out the crinkled list of potential names and looked at it intently. “Did you show Joe this list?” he asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Because someone wrote Joseph Awesomepants Quinto on here. Just a guess.”
Zach laughed. “I’d take that into consideration.”
“You’d take anything into consideration.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re the only person on earth who would name their dog Noah and then suggest naming their son Lucky.”
“What, I like that name!”
“You’re confused. And then you wouldn’t even consider my suggestion.”
“Which was?”
“Christopher Zachary Pine Quinto Junior. We could call him CZ for short!”
“Chris, didn’t I give you a blowjob for promising never to suggest that name again?”
Chris smiled at the memory. “Fine. We could go with Zachary Christopher instead.”
**
"We're insane."
"You said that last time we were here."
"No, last time I asked if we were insane. This time, I know we are."
Zach knelt down next to Chris and rested his elbows on Chris's knees. "Hey." He reached up and took hold of Chris's chin, giving him a little shake. "We're awesome dads."
"I know, I know we are."
"Remember when Jesse was a baby?"
Chris closed his eyes and thought back to a blissful time when the words "stop licking the floor" did not cross his lips on a daily basis. He smiled. "Yeah," he said with a happy sigh.
"This is going to be great."
"I know," Chris said, and he leaned down to kiss Zach gently on the lips. They looked up together as they heard footsteps and the doctor said, "Okay, it's time."
**
“Which one of you wants to hold him first?” Chris stepped forward and the nurse set the baby gently in his arms. Chris’s smile lit up the room.
Zach stood close and they looked down at him together, at his little face and his eager, intelligent eyes.
“Gavin, right?” said Chris.
“Yeah. Definitely Gavin.”
“Hi, Gavin,” Chris cooed, trying it out.
“Hi, little Gavin,” Zach said. “We’re your dads.”
Broken
One minute, Chris was screaming at Zach, letting everything out, everything he’d sworn he wouldn’t say, and he was pacing and ranting because he just couldn’t get through to Zach, couldn’t get his point across, couldn’t make Zach listen and understand and change.
And then he was done, and he was standing in the middle of the room, his chest heaving, waiting for Zach to scream back at him.
The room was utterly silent for a long moment before Zach stood up, and Chris prepared himself for an onslaught of the calm, cutting remarks that Zach used like weapons. But instead of the composed cruelty that he almost wanted to see on Zach’s face, he saw only a resigned sadness, and he knew that this time, something was different.
“I can’t do this,” Zach said, and he walked out of the house.
**
Zach came back that night in time to tuck the boys in, but there was no make-up sex, and neither of them were too surprised a few days later when Zach signed the lease on a large two-bedroom apartment ten minutes away.
Zach gave Chris a copy of the key and said he didn’t want to do this, but they’d both stopped crying by the time Zach dragged his last suitcase out the front door.
Chris gave in and let the boys climb into bed with him four nights in a row, and debated the ethics of asking them not to tell their father. He didn’t, and it came back to bite him in the ass, as expected, when Zach called him the next week and started with, “I thought we agreed how important it is to maintain a routine.”
“I know, Zach. I’m sorry. It was just hard.”
“Yeah, I’m aware. Jesus, Chris, are you really going to tell me how much it fucking sucks to sleep alone?”
“Sorry,” Chris said, chastened.
“I don’t want them to get confused about whose rules they’re supposed to be following, okay? This is important.”
“I know,” Chris said, rolling his eyes. He was pretty sure he’d been the one to come up with these ideas about consistency and routines and rules, and now Zach was lecturing him. It was ironic, but when it came right down to it, he couldn’t hold it against Zach for reminding him. It’s not like there was anyone else to do it.
Moment
Chris paused at the bottom of the stairs, sniffed the air suspiciously, and turned toward the living room instead of the kitchen. He rested his hands on the back of the couch and stood quietly for a long moment, watching Zach sleep. He’d been out, Chris could tell by the faint smell of second-hand smoke and the product in his hair. He hadn’t even taken his leather jacket off before falling asleep on the couch. Chris wondered what time he’d let himself in, and stepped away quietly to put on the coffee.
The coffee wasn’t even finished before he found his way back to the living room. This time, Zach stirred, rubbed his eyes and looked sleepily up at Chris. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Sorry. I was out late. Thought I would just come by to see the boys off to school.”
“Yeah,” said Chris. He paused, then cracked a smile as he asked, “You know, I have managed to get them successfully to school for about three years now.”
“I know. I just like to be here.”
Chris walked around to the front of the couch and gestured for Zach to sit up a bit. He sat and tugged Zach back down by the shoulder until his head rested in Chris’s lap. Chris ran a hand through Zach’s hair and rested his other hand on Zach’s chest. He tipped his head back against the couch cushions and tried to figure out what was making his heart clench in his chest – the fact that he could feel his resistance slipping away, or the fact that he’d waited so long to give in.
“Come to dinner tomorrow night,” Chris said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“You know that’ll be, like, our fourth date.”
Chris laughed. “Yeah. Momentous, I think.”
“I think,” Zach said, setting his hand over Chris’s where it rested on his chest.
“I love you.” Chris squeezed his eyes shut when he said it, wondering if the timing was right. They were doing this in a different order than before, but it was the right order, he thought, and it felt…momentous.
Zach had shifted a little to look up at him, waiting while he caught his breath, which seemed to have escaped him along with those words.
He reached up to touch his fingers to Chris’s cheek and he said, “Me too,” and Chris closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to the pad of Zach’s thumb.
“I’m going to go get the boys up,” Chris said, gently sliding out from under Zach’s shoulders and standing up. “There’s coffee if you want it.”
(Continued)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 08:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:43 am (UTC)man, if i did that i would literally never get anything done.
must. stop. considering....
no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 09:34 am (UTC)It always breaks my heart a little but then it mends it again and I am so happy :) I love the bittersweet feelling of this story :)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 12:03 pm (UTC)“Yeah. Definitely Gavin.”
“Hi, Gavin,” Chris cooed, trying it out.
“Hi, little Gavin,” Zach said. “We’re your dads.”
AND THE REST IS AWESOME AS WELL <3
no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-06 01:37 am (UTC)Also, damn you. I really needed to get work done tonight but I ended up reading this. I was looking for Contact High to rec to a friend and got distracted by adorable icon which made me read your fic. I feel sad for their break up.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-06 01:46 am (UTC)- the icon is from Heroes...sometime in the first half of this past season, i think.
- that's awesome that you were (are?) going to rec Contact High! you rock :-D
- sorry that i distracted you from your work! but not really ;-) and thanks so much for reading :-D
- i hope you keep reading the series! time heals all wounds (at least in fic?)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-07 06:14 pm (UTC)I thought of contact high when I was talking to a friend at our uni Geek Club about the hotness of Spock masturbation fics. Contact High was the one that made me aware of this awesome kink.
I will, but don't make me wait too long. Europe trip awaits with little internet access.
Late Happy Birthday. OMG, now you are right in there with he sexy virile men. Fuck yeah! Props to you.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-08 04:07 am (UTC)i read a request for spock masturbation fics recently and thought of contact high! was that you? or is that subject just so hot right now?
no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 12:33 pm (UTC)The second one. GOD. I just . . . it's the epitome of a breakup, where you know you're doing the right thing, and part of you is glad, but part of you wants to just rewind everything and go back to when it was good.
T_T
no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 01:53 pm (UTC)The last scene was my favorite because it's such a fragile and hopeful moment.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 02:54 pm (UTC)Also, “Because someone wrote Joseph Awesomepants Quinto on here. Just a guess.” ahaha, Joe! (I just love Joe!)
no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:35 am (UTC)love your icon.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-03 12:28 am (UTC)These were all fantastic! The joy of the new baby! (eep!) The pain of the breakup. (Oh my god. When Zach walked out, my heart squeezed.) The tenderness of them inching toward reconnection. (Chris pulling Zach's head into his lap was just perfection.)
I can't wait for more. And, maybe, one day we'll get to see the boys interact with the inching-toward-reconnection Zach and Chris? (*puppy eyes* at you)
BTWI, did you have fun camping?
no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 01:37 am (UTC)camping was awesome and i only suffered a slight bit of internet wtihdrawal!
no subject
Date: 2010-05-04 02:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-06 03:11 am (UTC)