therumjournals | Five Times Dr. McCoy Saw Jim Kirk’s Massive Cock, and One Time Bones Did (Star Trek XI Fanfic)

Title: Five Times Dr. McCoy Saw Jim Kirk’s Massive Cock, and One Time Bones Did
Author:

therumjournals
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy (pre-slash)
Rating: R for nudity and language
Word Count: 3,378
A/N: Takes place during the first year at the Academy, slightly into the second. Intended to be the first installment in a “Jim Kirk has a Massive Cock” series of sorts. Comments = Viagra! ;-)

1.
The Academy Medical Center was swarming with new recruits, and Dr. Leonard McCoy swore that if one more fresh-faced cadet made a crack about the requirements of the intake physical, he was going to administer a hypo especially designed to result in numb-tongue. Hadn’t he been promised a break two hours ago? But no, the waiting room was full and the pressure was on to get these physicals over and done with before classes and trainings began. Something about making sure that none of the cadets were about to have heart attacks or nervous breakdowns. Doctors were apparently exempt from the Academy’s concern.

With a scowl, McCoy opened the door to Exam Room 3 and glanced up from his PADD, barely registering the smirking cadet swinging his legs off the end of the exam table.

“Bones guy!” exclaimed the cadet. McCoy deigned to interrupt his scowl with a raised eyebrow. “You know…from the shuttle?” A vague recollection hit him before the cadet continued. “You might not remember me. You were kinda drunk. I’m Jim Kirk? I sat next to you? We had a very meaningful five-minute conversation before you passed out?”

“Sure, right.” Figures he’d be assigned to examine the one person he knew on campus so far. Well, there goes any chance of that friendship, he thought ruefully to himself. He glanced over Kirk’s medical questionnaire and began the routine questioning for the hundredth time that day.

“No surgeries?”

“Nope.”

“Broken bones?”

“Tons.”

McCoy glanced up. “Any residual effects?”

“Nah,” Kirk said with a grin, flexing.

“Any allergies?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Great. Hop off the table and strip.”

Kirk gave him a look that he’d seen too many times that day. Let’s see what this guy’ll come up with, McCoy mused, idly fingering the numb-tongue hypo in his jacket pocket.

“Usually someone buys me dinner first.”

“Gee, haven’t heard that one seventeen times today,” McCoy responded, looking down at his PADD.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours?”

“Better. Only heard that one about nine times.”

The cadet’s smile hadn’t faltered once. “What’s the point of technology if you can’t check me out with my clothes on?” he asked as he pulled his shirt over his head. “That wasn’t a line, by the way. I’m genuinely curious.”

McCoy doubted that, but he answered anyway. “We have to do an initial physical scan for our records. Don’t want any contamination. Now come on, I don’t have all day here.”

“You’ll wish you did,” Kirk said, as he unbuttoned his pants.

“Now that one is new,” muttered McCoy. He turned to set the PADD down and pick up the scanner, and when he turned back, Jim Kirk was fully naked, stretching his hands above his head. Out of habit, he gave the cadet a once-over, his clinical eye checking for scars or abnormalities or holy fucking shit, the kid had a massive cock! Penis, McCoy corrected himself internally. A penis of impressively above-average length and significantly thicker than average girth and he was staring and he was trying to make his mouth say words and he was trying not to let those words be “holy fucking shit.”

“Like what you see, doc?” the cadet said cheekily, spreading his arms.

McCoy blinked a few times and managed to tear his eyes away, choosing instead to stare at the scanner display as if his life depended on it. Most of the cadets he’d seen so far stood stiffly, tense and shivering, as he ran the scanner over them. Jim Kirk seemed relaxed and comfortable, standing with his hands behind his head and smiling for no discernible reason. McCoy found himself hoping to hell that Kirk wasn’t cold, because if that's what it looked like when it was cold...well, that would just be disturbing.

2.
Dr. McCoy slumped in a chair in the empty waiting room, drinking his fifth cup of weak replicated coffee and wondering if time was actually slowing down just to fuck with him, when all hell broke loose. The outside doors slid open and McCoy stood up, quickly taking in the scene - three paramedics, a body on a hovering stretcher, and a shit-ton of blood. He swigged the last sip of coffee as he approached, leaning over to observe as the paramedics gave him the rundown.

“Bar fight. Story we got was that the kid actually jumped off the bar and landed on some meat-head holding a broken bottle. Wicked slice across the thigh, a little too close for comfort if you catch my drift.”

“Right. What have you given him?”

“A coagulant and something to sober him up.”

“He might appreciate something for the pain then,” McCoy said, moving around to get a hypo on the kid’s neck and nearly freezing in shock as he recognized Jim Kirk. It was harder to tell it was him with those blue eyes closed, though the bar fight story should have given him a clue. They were in the operating room now and the paramedics were cutting his pants off around the wound. Well, fuck. As much as he’d been waiting for another opportunity to get a look at what was in those pants, this wasn’t exactly the situation he’d pictured. They pulled away the last of the fabric covering Kirk’s groin, and McCoy heard a collective gasp. “Jesus Christ,” someone whispered. A more enterprising paramedic tried to keep his voice steady as he called out, “Doctor, I think the patient may be suffering from some sort of allergic reaction.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “It’s not an allergic reaction. Trust me.”

“You’re joking.”

“I’m a doctor, not a comedian,” he responded drily. And there was nothing funny about how much effort it took him to keep his hand steady as he ran the regenerator over the gash in Kirk’s thigh and how hard he had to work to keep his eyes off the prize, as it were. Well, it wasn’t funny to him, at least. He was sure Jim Kirk would have found it fucking hilarious.

***

Kirk came awake with a whiny moan, as McCoy had somehow known he would.

“Owwwwwwwwwwwwww.”

McCoy leaned over the biobed, holding a hypospray menacingly. “Something for the pain?” he asked, before jabbing it into the side of Kirk’s neck.

“Motherfucker.” Jim’s voice was surprisingly strong for someone who’d just been passed out for four hours. “How come with doctors, ‘something for the pain’ always results in more pain?”

“You’ll thank me in a minute.”

“Yeah, thanks for nothing, Doctor – ooooooh, hey, that’s nice.” His eyes went glossy and he grinned adorably up at McCoy. Dammit. Maybe he should have gone a little easier on the morphine.

“Do you remember what happened last night, kid?”

It was almost painful to try to watch Kirk attempt to penetrate the recesses of his now-foggy brain.

“Suuuure,” he slurred, “’was protecting my reputation.”

“Oh yeah? Well next time you ‘protect your reputation’ you might want to make sure you don’t put a large part of that reputation in jeopardy.” McCoy watched that one make its way through Jim’s mind until comprehension dawned on him and he slapped a hand over his crotch. “Ow!”

“Everything’s still there, hotshot. You got lucky this time. One inch closer and that glass would have gone right through the-“

“Shut up shhhh shhhh,” Kirk said, trying to hold his hands over his ears while still maintaining a firm hold on his crotch.

McCoy stopped talking and allowed a tiny smirk.

“C’mere,” Kirk said, gesturing for him to come closer.

“What?” McCoy leaned down slightly, but it was close enough, and the cadet threw his arms enthusiastically around him.

“Thank you for saving my dick,” Kirk said into his ear, with a morphine-induced earnestness.

“I didn’t save your dick,” McCoy corrected, disengaging himself from Kirk’s embrace. “I may have saved you from bleeding out, but that’s about it.”

“It wants to thank you,” Kirk said, taking a firm hold of McCoy’s lapels. “Let’s get a drink.”

“No alcohol for 24 hours. At least. Doctor’s orders.”

Jim slumped back against the bed with a dreamy smile on his face and closed his eyes. “Doctor’s orders. I like the sound of that.”

3.
The Med Center seemed a little busier than usual for a Monday afternoon. Dr. McCoy scanned the patient logs on his PADD as he entered Dr. Calder’s office for his assignments. A name on the logs caught his eye. “Jim Kirk’s in? What for?”

Calder looked up from his desk. “There was a contaminant leak in one of the labs. Four or five cadets were brought in, he was one of them. They’re in the biohazard showers right now, I believe. Dr. M’Benga’s taking care of it, so I need you to….”

McCoy spaced out and Calder’s words faded into the background. Jim Kirk was in the shower RIGHT NOW. Surely there was something that needed to be done in or around the decontamination unit!

“I, uh, I just need to run down and pick up a few things from the supply room,” he said quickly, backing out of the office and into the hall. He walked normally – okay, perhaps a little faster than normal, but he definitely wasn’t running – to the turbolift and took it down to the decontamination unit. The showers were running and he saw Dr. M’Benga waiting with his tricorder.

“Oh, hey Dr. McCoy. Calder send you down here? I told him it wouldn’t take more than one doctor, but he never listens.”

“Yeah, he told me you had it under control. I just thought, ya know, Kirk’s my patient, so maybe he’d be more comfortable with me checking him out.” Fuck! McCoy kicked himself for sounding so obvious. Why didn’t he just come out and say “I want to get another look at Jim Kirk’s massive cock” while he was at it? Luckily, Geoff didn’t seem to notice, just shrugged and gestured for McCoy to get his tricorder out as the shower turned off and the cadets prepared to exit. Kirk was the second one out and he broke into a huge grin at the sight of McCoy. “Hey man, where’ve you been?! Whatever happened to that drink?”

Geoff raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything as he focused on scanning the other cadets.

McCoy scowled and raised his tricorder, avoiding eye contact with Kirk as he ran it over his chest and arms.

“Hey,” Kirk said, tipping his head until he caught McCoy’s eye. “Can I get a towel?”

McCoy rolled his eyes but handed Kirk a towel off the rack. When Kirk started to wrap it around his waist, McCoy cleared his throat a little.

“What?” Kirk stopped, holding the towel open.

“Just, I have to check, you know, everything,” McCoy muttered.

Kirk grinned and pulled the towel open wide. “Oh I see how it is,” he said, smirking. “You missed me.”

Dr. M’Benga glanced over and had to stifle his gasp into a cough, which turned into a prolonged fit of coughing and wheezing. Kirk reached over to pound the doctor on the back. McCoy stretched a hand out to help, missing completely and patting the air as he stared entranced at Kirk’s enormous member. Jesus Christ. Maybe he had been cold that day in the exam room, because McCoy could have sworn it was bigger than he remembered (and he’d done a lot of remembering). He caught himself just in time, pulling his gaze up as Kirk turned back toward him.

“Well, how is it?”

“Um…how…what…I’m sorry?”

“Is it contaminated?”

“Oh, uh, no, no, it’s great, everything looks…great,” McCoy said, slamming his tricorder shut and hoping that his blush wasn’t visible in the dim light. Kirk grinned and wrapped the towel around himself.

“Great, then it’s cool if I leave? Got a hot date tonight.”

“Yeah, yes, go ahead, get out of here. Oh, but Kirk-“

“It’s Jim.”

“Jim, look. I don’t know what you all were doing in that lab, but...try to be a little more careful, okay? There are a lot of dangerous materials in those labs. One leak, and the entire lab can get contaminated, lose a lot of valuable research time and data.”

Kirk winked at him and nodded. “Oh, I know, doc. Wouldn’t want to see any…specimens…get damaged, eh?”

McCoy rolled his eyes as Kirk turned and headed into the locker room.

“Hey McCoy!” Kirk called back to him. “I wasn’t kidding about that drink!”

McCoy threw a wave in his direction and turned around, wondering just how cold those biohazard showers could get.

4.
Dr. McCoy hung his lab coat in his locker and headed out the door. “Alright, Geoff, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Oh, hey, McCoy, that your patient in Exam Two?”

“What? No, I just cleared that room an hour ago.”

“Well, someone’s in there now,” Geoff said, gesturing to the occupancy logs.

“Goddammit.” McCoy pulled his lab coat back out of the locker, grabbed a PADD and trotted down the hall. He hit the entry code and the door to Exam Room 2 slid open. It was dark, and for a minute he thought that Geoff may have been wrong, but then he heard soft moans and panting sounds on his right.

“Lights.” He heard a thump and a loud curse and the lights came up to reveal a more-naked-than usual Orion female sprawled on the biobed. She arranged herself in what he assumed was supposed to be some kind of sexy centerfold pose and smiled up at him. For a second, he wondered if she’d been alone, but then he heard a rustling and Jim Kirk stood up from the floor.

“You!” McCoy pointed a finger at Kirk, then at the door. “Get out. Now!”

Jim grinned sheepishly and pulled his pants up from around his ankles. McCoy looked away, but not before he’d gotten a glimpse of that magnificent cock, fully erect and glistening, a fat drop of fluid sliding down the tip. McCoy felt his face flush and he stared resolutely at the wall as Kirk struggled to get his zipper up. Jesus, he almost felt bad for the kid. Not bad enough that he was going to let him finish his business in a fucking exam room, but still, that had to be painful.

“Come on, Gaila,” Jim said, helping the Orion from the bed. He sure regained his composure pretty quickly, McCoy thought. They were almost out of the room when McCoy stopped them.

“Jim.” The cadet turned slowly to face him, that smug grin still on his face. “An exam room? Really?”

Jim shrugged. “The beds are comfy, what can I say?”

“The next time I see you back here, you’d better be in severe pain,” McCoy threatened half-heartedly.

“I’m in pretty severe pain right now, to be honest with you. Something you can do about that?”

McCoy opened a drawer and pulled out a hypospray. “This might help. Probably won’t be able to get it up for a few days though.”

“Right, uh, I think I’m allergic to that one,” Jim responded with a wink. “See you around, McCoy.”

Dr. McCoy turned back into the exam room and shut the door. He slumped heavily against the wall. Ah, fuck. “Lights out,” he said. He climbed onto the unused biobed, pressed his palm against his own rather painful erection, and then jabbed the hypospray into his own neck. What the hell. He wasn’t going to need it anytime soon. Damn, but these beds were kind of comfy, he thought, as he drifted off to sleep.

5.
Dr. McCoy walked into the Med Lounge to hear giggling from a group of nurses who were gathered around the viewscreen. McCoy rolled his eyes, but he let curiosity pull him across the room to see just what they were looking at. He hoped it was something he could reprimand them about, he was just in that kind of mood. And it was and he prepared to reprimand them, right after he took a good long look at the image of a familiar set of genitalia in all its full-color lifesize glory.

“Goddammit,” he said, swiping at the viewscreen controls to pull the image off the screen.

“Hey Dr. McCoy, you’re no fun,” cooed one of the nurses, a pretty brunette with her hair in a ponytail. A taller blonde nurse reached over and pulled the image back onscreen with a wink.

“Yeah, well, that’s my friend you’re looking at and I’m sure he’d appreciate maintaining a bit of his dignity.” He wasn’t at all sure of that, actually.

“You’re friends with that?!” exclaimed the brunette. “Any chance of setting up an introduction,” she said coyly, flipping her hair.

“I wouldn’t subject you to that, Jenny” McCoy said sweetly.

“Subject me to what?”

“Lord knows,” said McCoy, counting off on his fingers. “Any number of disturbing sexually transmitted disease, knowing who that’s attached to. Possible jaw dislocation and/or vaginal tearing...”

“Who says it has to be vaginal,” replied a young blond male with a mischievous grin.

“You’re so bad!” laughed Jenny, smacking him.

McCoy shook his head and prayed for patience.

“Computer, delete image,” he said with finality.

“Image Jim Kirk’s Massive Cock has been deleted,” the computer replied.

+1
Bones spat a mouthful of whiskey across his desk. “Fucking hell, Jim, put some pants on, would you?”

Jim didn’t answer, rubbing a towel distractedly over his hair as he stood in the bathroom door. He grinned at Bones, who looked pissed. Probably mad at the wasted whiskey that he was currently wiping off his chin. “Why, Bones? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

“Yeah, as your doctor!”

“So?”

“So, it’s a little different when I’m your roommate. This is weird, Jim, I knew this was a bad idea.”

“Oh, calm down. You don’t seem to mind the view, anyway.”

Actually, Bones was staring at Jim’s thigh, checking his work. “Professional curiosity,” he said, looking up at Jim. “No scar.”

“I had a great doctor. Want to take a closer look?” He took a step closer and Bones flinched back in his seat, looking away.

“Jim. Please, put that thing away.”

“Do you know what you’re asking, Bones? Because really, it’s quite an endeavor.”

“I’d imagine.”

“Great. So you don’t mind if I just throw on some boxers and leave it at that?”

“I thought you were going out.”

“I was. But then I realized how much more fun it would be to stay in and bother you. Looks like you need some help with that bottle, anyway,” he said, tipping his head toward the bottle of whiskey on Bones’s desk.

“I don’t. Trust me, I really don’t.”

“Fine. I’ll put some real pants on, and go out, and someone else will get up close and personal with the captain tonight. See how you like that.”

“I’d like that just fine. Wait…please tell me you did not just refer to your cock as ‘the captain’?”

Jim answered with a lascivious grin. Bones looked horrified. “Jesus, Jim, do you know how disturbing that is? How many things are wrong with that? For fuck’s sake, we’re in Starfleet! Do you know how many people I have to call Captain every day? Oh my god…” Bones moaned and put his head between his legs, taking deep breaths. He kept his eyes on Jim’s feet as the boy finally, blessedly put some pants on. Bones waited until he heard the zipper to look up again. Great. Just in time to see Jim stretching up to pull on a black t-shirt, and he couldn’t help but run his eyes over Jim’s chest and six-pack abs before he pulled the shirt down over his head. Jim walked over and put his hands on the armrests of Bones’s chair, leaning down to look him in the eye. “That more medical assessment you’re doing there, doc?” he said with a wink. Bones ran a hand over his eyes and left it there. “Get out of my room.”

“Our room, Bonesy,” Jim called as he opened the door. “See you tomorrow.”

Bones could have sworn he heard Jim mutter “At ease, Captain,” as the door slid shut behind him.

Next! Five Rumors Bones Heard About Jim Kirk’s Massive Cock, and One That He Started