therumjournals | Tick, Tick (A Star Trek RPF Fanfic)

Title: Tick, Tick
Author:

therumjournals
Fandom: Star Trek RPF
Pairing: Chris/Zach
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,100
Description: Chris discovers Zach’s biological clock.
Warning: Sweet established fluff, babies
Disclaimer: So very, very far from reality.

“Excuse me, sir?”

Zach rolled his eyes at Chris. It was one thing if he was shopping or walking down the street, but he really hated it when people interrupted him during a meal – or, okay, coffee and a scone – to ask for an autograph. Still, he put on a polite smile and turned around to the woman who’d tapped him on the shoulder.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry, I, uh, dropped my baby’s pacifier behind your table. I was wondering if you could grab it for me.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah, sure, hold on.” He scooted his chair back and grabbed the pacifier that had rolled to a stop next to the table leg, and sat up to hand it back. The woman was leaning over a stroller, making soothing sounds to a fussing baby. “Here you go.”

“Oh, thank you so much.”

“And who is this?” Zach said, his voice going up at the end as he leaned in to get a better look at the gurgling infant.

“This is Madison. She’s 6 months old today!”

“Hi, Madison,” Zach cooed. “Look at you! Look at that little smile!” He couldn’t help but reach out and give baby Madison’s cheek a gentle squeeze. “You have the chubbiest cheeks! Yes you do! Look at your chubby little elbows!” He straightened up and gave the woman a slightly bashful look. “She’s absolutely adorable.”

“Aww, thank you. And thanks so much for your help.”

Zach turned back to the table to find Chris watching him with his hands over his mouth, his eyes sparkling with a hidden smile.

“What?”

Chris lowered his hands and shook his head. “I believe the term is ‘my ovaries just exploded’.”

Zach rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You don’t even have ovaries.”

“Yeah, well, ‘my balls just exploded’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it. But seriously, Zach, that was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. And I’m not talking about the baby.”

“Well, it was a cute baby.”

“Uh-huh. If I didn’t know better, I’d say your biological clock was tick-tick-ticking away,” Chris said, laughing.

“Shut up,” Zach grumbled.

“You should have a kid, Zach,” Chris declared.

“No, I shouldn’t.”

“Why not?!”

“There are certain things you need to have before you decide to bring a child into this world, Chris.”

“Okay, like what?”

“Like a serious, committed relationship, for one.”

“I’m committed! Come on, Zach, we’ve been together for what, ten months now?”

“Seven.”

“Yeah. Well, it seems like a lot longer. Because I love you so much!” he added defiantly as Zach shook his head. “Okay, committed relationship, check. What else?”

“Um, let’s see, how about ovaries?”

“So you adopt! Or, ooh, get a surrogate! And an egg donor. Make sure she’s hot though. I need to make sure the Pine good looks continue into the next generation.”

“Oh no, I am not bringing your child into this world, Chris. Hell no.”

“Why not? What’s wrong with my genes?”

“What’s wrong with mine?”

Chris leaned back in his chair and gave Zach an appraising look. “Not much,” he conceded. “Could do without passing on your arrogant tendencies though.”

“Oh please,” Zach scoffed.

“See? Right there!”

“I’m not having a baby, Chris. Can we talk about something else now?”

“I’m sorry, Zach,” Chris said, reaching across the table to hold his hand. “Did I harsh your baby buzz? Here, let’s find you another one.” He turned to glance around the coffee shop while Zach groaned and buried his face in his hands.

**

That afternoon, Zach found Chris standing in the middle of the living room, his hands in his pockets as he turned slowly in place, eyes roaming across Zach’s shelves, his entertainment center, his impressive collection of books that Chris swore was only a minor contributing factor to their current relationship.

“What are you doing?” Zach asked, suspicious.

“Just looking around. You know, you’d have to make some major changes around here if you had a kid,” Chris said matter-of-factly, as though Zach had been the one pressing the issue that morning.

“I’m aware. Which is why I’m not having one. It’s not really a fit with my current lifestyle.”

“Yeah, I get that. For one thing, we’d have to be a lot quieter. During sex,” he added, in case that wasn’t clear.

“I think shitty diapers and late night feedings kind of dampen the mood a bit,” Zach suggested.

“Whatever. You would be such a hot dad. I’m not gonna lie, I kind of got a stiffy watching you go all mushy over that baby today.”

Zach crossed his arms and looked down, but Chris didn’t miss the half smile creeping onto his face.

“What?”

“You think I’d be a good dad?”

“I said a hot dad. But yeah,” Chris added gently, walking over to Zach. He ran had up his arm and cupped his cheek. “You’d be an amazing dad, Zach. You will be an amazing dad.”

Zach’s eyes flicked up to meet Chris’s gaze. “You trying to tell me something?”

“Yup. I’m pregnant. You knocked me up. But, there’s a problem.”

“What is it?” Zach asked, playing along.

“Well, the doctor said that it really wouldn’t be fair to the rest of humanity for me to have this baby.”

“And why’s that?” Zach had his arms around Chris’s waist now, and he held Chris in a loose embrace as he listened.

“Because,” Chris said softly into his ear, “the combination of our hotness, and our awesomeness, would result in a child so attractive that society would be ruined. Hollywood would be the first to go. Instead of movies, people would pay to stare at our child’s face on a screen for two hours.”

Zach chuckled and stepped forward, forcing Chris to step back, their arms still wrapped around each other. “And what else?” he asked.

“And everyone would spend so much time thinking about our child’s beauty, that no one could get any work done.”

“Mm-hmm.” Zach maneuvered them into the hall.

“And if our child gave you one look with its blue eyes-“

“Brown eyes,” Zach said, pushing open the bedroom door with his foot.

“With its blue, blue eyes of blueness,” Chris continued, “then you would be ruined forever, and you could never love another.”

Chris’s knees hit the mattress and he fell, laughing, onto his back, as Zach straddled him, looking into his blue, blue eyes.

“I could never love another,” Zach whispered, touching his fingers to Chris’s face.

“Me neither,” Chris said, serious now, reaching up to push a strand of hair out of Zach’s eyes.

Zach leaned down until his lips were just brushing Chris’s ear. “Let’s make a baby.”