therumjournals (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
therumjournals) wrote2010-08-04 08:52 pm
therumjournals) wrote2010-08-04 08:52 pm
Chemistry (A Pinto Crack Fic)
Title: Chemistry
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
therumjournals
Fandom: PINTOCRACK
Pairing(s): Zachary Quinto/Houseplant, Chris Pine/Water Bottle, Houseplant/Water Bottle, Zach/Chris, Karl Urban/Buttons, hint of John/Karl
Word Count: 1,670 (WTF? I wrote 1,670 words of this?! How did this happen? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: crack infidelity, crack angst, crack (did I mention crack?)
A/N: This is dedicated to my Pinto-chat crack dealers,tikra, davyjonessays, and garden_hoe21. Specific inspiration being davyjonessays’ assertion that “Zachary Quinto could have chemistry with a ****ing houseplant.”
“They sure look happy,” Chris muttered, flopping down on the couch next to John. He gestured to the windowsill where Zach was leaning, his arm wrapped comfortably around a ceramic flowerpot holding a flourishing houseplant. “So I guess they’re together now?”
“Uh, yeah,” said John, as though it were obvious. “Saw that one coming a mile away.”
“What, really?”
“Oh please,” John scoffed. “Don’t tell me you never noticed the chemistry between those two. They hit it off right away!”
It was true, Chris realized. For the past few weeks, ever since Zach had gotten the plant at some trendy garden boutique, Chris had rarely seen the two of them apart. And Zach was always laughing and smiling when he was around it, and even when he wasn’t, he was always talking about it, Houseplant this and Houseplant that. Of course, Zach could get along with anyone and any thing, but now that Chris thought about it, the sparks had definitely been flying between those two for a while.
Chris rolled his eyes and took an angry sip of water from his water bottle. It was all well and good for Zach to have found someone, but what about him? When was he going to find someone who made his face light up like that, someone smart and good for him and who made him smile without saying a word?
“You want a glass of water?” John asked.
“No, thanks.” Chris frowned and clutched his bottle a little tighter. “I wish you would stop trying to get me a glass of water all the time, John. I’m perfectly happy.”
“I know you say that, but…I just think you can do better than that ratty water bottle. We all do.” John reached for the bottle.
“Keep your hands off!” Chris snapped, yanking it out of John’s grasp.
Zach saw what was going on from across the room and shook his head. “Hey Pine!” he yelled, “If you love that water bottle so much, why don’t you marry it?!”
*
The ceremony was small, and as Chris promised himself to Water Bottle in front of all their friends, he let himself wonder how it had taken him so long to see what was right there in front of him. He and Water Bottle had been attached at the hip – hip? Did water bottles have hips? Well, at the mouth, then – for the longest time, and he’d barely even given it a second thought. Sure, it had been nice to have Water Bottle right there during his dry spells, but he’d never actually considered that there might be more to it. Even when he’d seen the paparazzi pictures – CHRIS PINE AND WATER BOTTLE LEAVE THEATER TOGETHER – IS IT LOVE? – he’d simply rolled his eyes at their folly. But now, it was all so clear – he needed Water Bottle, was lost without it. Hell, if he were stranded on a desert island, he’d want Water Bottle right there with him, forever. Thank god he’d realized before it was too late, he thought, as he looked fondly down at Water Bottle and said “I do.”
*
The honeymoon period didn’t last long. In fact, it didn’t even make it to the honeymoon. The trouble started when Chris unzipped his suitcase to put Water Bottle inside. “I’m sorry, but I have to put you in my checked luggage,” he told it sadly. “It’s just that you’re over 3 ounces…and I love that about you, I really do. But, what can we do in the face of airlines who discriminate against our love? Yeah, okay, maybe we could have taken a road trip. But I thought you wanted to go to Fiji, baby. I wanted to bring you back to your roots.”
His placations were no use. Even though Water Bottle didn’t say a thing about the incident, the entire trip felt a bit forced from that moment on.
*
“Chris!” Zach opened the door enthusiastically and pulled Chris into a hug. “How was the honeymoon, man?”
“Hey, Zach,” Chris said, somewhat despondently. “It was alright. How’ve things been around here?” He gripped Water Bottle tightly. He’d been hesitant to agree to this double-date so soon after the honeymoon, but it was nice to see Zach, he supposed.
“Oh, things are good. You know. We’ve missed you though,” he said, gesturing back to Houseplant on the windowsill.
“Oh really?” He didn’t think Houseplant had ever really liked him, but he wasn’t about to tell that to Zach, not when he seemed so happy.
“Yeah, yeah. Come say hi!”
Chris wandered over to the windowsill and raised an eyebrow skeptically.
“What?” Zach asked.
“Oh, nothing.”
“No, come on, what?”
“Let’s go in the kitchen.”
They left Houseplant and Water Bottle on the windowsill and headed into the kitchen, where Zach was making cheeseburgers with a side of sausage. He’d stopped eating vegetables out of guilt for Houseplant’s sensitivities.
“So, uh, things are going well with you two?” Chris asked.
“What? Oh yeah, yeah. Awesome.”
“Oh really?”
“Uh, yeah. Why wouldn’t they be?”
“Oh, no reason. Just, I didn’t think you’d be too happy with Houseplant wearing that drab yellow color. I mean, I thought you two were more on the same page, what with the stripes…”
“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, Houseplant’s been really into the yellow recently. And, well…never mind.”
“What? You can tell me, Zach.”
“It’s just that Houseplant used to be so full of life, you know? And now it’s all…dry and…” Zach dropped his voice to a whisper, “crinkly.” He curled his lip.
“Oh man,” Chris commiserated. “That sucks.”
“I’m sure everything will be fine. Come on, let’s go hang out for a little while. Maybe we can play a few games.”
Zach followed Chris into the living room, crashing into his back when Chris stopped suddenly.
“What? What is it?”
Their eyes went automatically to the windowsill. Houseplant was in the same place they’d left it, but Water Bottle was all the way on the other side of the windowsill. Chris frowned. “Does something seem weird to you?”
Zach laughed nervously. “I’m sure everything’s fine, come on, let’s all hang out for a while.”
“Actually, Zach, can I talk to you outside for a minute? For FIVE MINUTES,” he said a little more loudly, aiming his words in the direction of the windowsill.
“Uh, sure.”
Chris led them out the door onto the front porch.
“What is it?” Zach asked.
Chris held up a hand. “Just wait a second. Okay…NOW!” He pushed open the door and jumped inside, pointing triumphantly at the windowsill. “AH HA! CAUGHT IN THE ACT!”
Zach gasped in shock. Water Bottle was all up on Houseplant, in the act of tipping its contents across Houseplant’s fertile soil. Chris tried to stop him, but Zach pushed past and ran over to the windowsill. “How….how could you? How could you do this to me?” he asked, his voice breaking.
Chris just crossed his arms and shook his head sadly as he looked at Water Bottle. “It’s over.”
*
“Zach, you need to stop this. Come on, I’m taking you out.”
“No!” Zach tipped his head back to chug the last of his Smirnoff Ice, then tossed it angrily into the growing pile of empty bottles in the recycling bin. “Leave me alone, Chris! My whole world is crashing down around me.”
“Your whole world? What about mine?! I loved Water Bottle. We were supposed to have...a life together,” Chris finished, choking back a sob.
Zach reached over to rub Chris’s shoulder, and Chris fell into his arms. They held each other for a long moment.
“This is nice,” Zach said quietly.
“Yeah.”
“Houseplant and I never really had this, you know?”
“Yeah. Samesies.”
“Really? But you and Water Bottle made out all the time!”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t the same. There was no comfort to be found there. No affection.” He ran his hands over Zach’s broad back. “No…chemistry.”
“Yeah.” Zach was quiet for a moment. “So, I went by the windowsill today….”
Chris sighed. “I told you not to do that, Zach.”
“I know.”
“Did you see them?”
“Yeah.”
“How…how did they look?”
“They looked, you know…good. I think Water Bottle’s really good for Houseplant. It’s wearing less yellow these days. It looks good, it looks…healthy.”
“You know, Zach…”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe this is a sign. Maybe Houseplant and Water Bottle were meant to be together, and…and maybe we were, too.”
Zach pulled back to look at him. “You think so?”
Chris shrugged. “Maybe we’ll be good for each other, too.”
Zach narrowed his eyes, and leaned forward impulsively to give Chris a lingering kiss on the lips. “Yeah,” he said, his eyes closed. “Maybe we will.”
*
“They sure look happy,” Karl muttered, flopping down on the couch next to John. He gestured to the windowsill where Zach and Chris were wrapped around each other in a passionate make-out session. “So I guess they’re together now?”
“Uh, yeah,” said John, as though it were obvious. “Saw that one coming a mile away.”
“What, really?”
“Oh please,” John scoffed. “Don’t tell me you never noticed the chemistry between those two.”
“Well, I mean, yeah. But, it’s Zach. He could have chemistry with a fucking houseplant!”
“True. And for a while there I thought Chris wouldn’t be able to stop drinking out of that damn water bottle long enough to let Zach kiss him. But I’m just glad they finally found each other.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
“Speaking of which, Karl, how are you and Buttons doing?” John asked, glancing pointedly at Karl’s shirt. “Seems like you two have been fighting a lot recently.”
Karl nodded. “We’ve been separated for a while. I think we’re going to break up for good.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Are you?”
John glanced at Karl, then let his eyes travel downward to that tantalizing swathe of skin visible where his shirt hung open. He swallowed dryly. “No,” he said, his voice husky. “No, I’m not sorry at all.”
Author:
therumjournalsFandom: PINTOCRACK
Pairing(s): Zachary Quinto/Houseplant, Chris Pine/Water Bottle, Houseplant/Water Bottle, Zach/Chris, Karl Urban/Buttons, hint of John/Karl
Word Count: 1,670 (WTF? I wrote 1,670 words of this?! How did this happen? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: crack infidelity, crack angst, crack (did I mention crack?)
A/N: This is dedicated to my Pinto-chat crack dealers,
tikra, davyjonessays, and garden_hoe21. Specific inspiration being davyjonessays’ assertion that “Zachary Quinto could have chemistry with a ****ing houseplant.” “They sure look happy,” Chris muttered, flopping down on the couch next to John. He gestured to the windowsill where Zach was leaning, his arm wrapped comfortably around a ceramic flowerpot holding a flourishing houseplant. “So I guess they’re together now?”
“Uh, yeah,” said John, as though it were obvious. “Saw that one coming a mile away.”
“What, really?”
“Oh please,” John scoffed. “Don’t tell me you never noticed the chemistry between those two. They hit it off right away!”
It was true, Chris realized. For the past few weeks, ever since Zach had gotten the plant at some trendy garden boutique, Chris had rarely seen the two of them apart. And Zach was always laughing and smiling when he was around it, and even when he wasn’t, he was always talking about it, Houseplant this and Houseplant that. Of course, Zach could get along with anyone and any thing, but now that Chris thought about it, the sparks had definitely been flying between those two for a while.
Chris rolled his eyes and took an angry sip of water from his water bottle. It was all well and good for Zach to have found someone, but what about him? When was he going to find someone who made his face light up like that, someone smart and good for him and who made him smile without saying a word?
“You want a glass of water?” John asked.
“No, thanks.” Chris frowned and clutched his bottle a little tighter. “I wish you would stop trying to get me a glass of water all the time, John. I’m perfectly happy.”
“I know you say that, but…I just think you can do better than that ratty water bottle. We all do.” John reached for the bottle.
“Keep your hands off!” Chris snapped, yanking it out of John’s grasp.
Zach saw what was going on from across the room and shook his head. “Hey Pine!” he yelled, “If you love that water bottle so much, why don’t you marry it?!”
*
The ceremony was small, and as Chris promised himself to Water Bottle in front of all their friends, he let himself wonder how it had taken him so long to see what was right there in front of him. He and Water Bottle had been attached at the hip – hip? Did water bottles have hips? Well, at the mouth, then – for the longest time, and he’d barely even given it a second thought. Sure, it had been nice to have Water Bottle right there during his dry spells, but he’d never actually considered that there might be more to it. Even when he’d seen the paparazzi pictures – CHRIS PINE AND WATER BOTTLE LEAVE THEATER TOGETHER – IS IT LOVE? – he’d simply rolled his eyes at their folly. But now, it was all so clear – he needed Water Bottle, was lost without it. Hell, if he were stranded on a desert island, he’d want Water Bottle right there with him, forever. Thank god he’d realized before it was too late, he thought, as he looked fondly down at Water Bottle and said “I do.”
*
The honeymoon period didn’t last long. In fact, it didn’t even make it to the honeymoon. The trouble started when Chris unzipped his suitcase to put Water Bottle inside. “I’m sorry, but I have to put you in my checked luggage,” he told it sadly. “It’s just that you’re over 3 ounces…and I love that about you, I really do. But, what can we do in the face of airlines who discriminate against our love? Yeah, okay, maybe we could have taken a road trip. But I thought you wanted to go to Fiji, baby. I wanted to bring you back to your roots.”
His placations were no use. Even though Water Bottle didn’t say a thing about the incident, the entire trip felt a bit forced from that moment on.
*
“Chris!” Zach opened the door enthusiastically and pulled Chris into a hug. “How was the honeymoon, man?”
“Hey, Zach,” Chris said, somewhat despondently. “It was alright. How’ve things been around here?” He gripped Water Bottle tightly. He’d been hesitant to agree to this double-date so soon after the honeymoon, but it was nice to see Zach, he supposed.
“Oh, things are good. You know. We’ve missed you though,” he said, gesturing back to Houseplant on the windowsill.
“Oh really?” He didn’t think Houseplant had ever really liked him, but he wasn’t about to tell that to Zach, not when he seemed so happy.
“Yeah, yeah. Come say hi!”
Chris wandered over to the windowsill and raised an eyebrow skeptically.
“What?” Zach asked.
“Oh, nothing.”
“No, come on, what?”
“Let’s go in the kitchen.”
They left Houseplant and Water Bottle on the windowsill and headed into the kitchen, where Zach was making cheeseburgers with a side of sausage. He’d stopped eating vegetables out of guilt for Houseplant’s sensitivities.
“So, uh, things are going well with you two?” Chris asked.
“What? Oh yeah, yeah. Awesome.”
“Oh really?”
“Uh, yeah. Why wouldn’t they be?”
“Oh, no reason. Just, I didn’t think you’d be too happy with Houseplant wearing that drab yellow color. I mean, I thought you two were more on the same page, what with the stripes…”
“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, Houseplant’s been really into the yellow recently. And, well…never mind.”
“What? You can tell me, Zach.”
“It’s just that Houseplant used to be so full of life, you know? And now it’s all…dry and…” Zach dropped his voice to a whisper, “crinkly.” He curled his lip.
“Oh man,” Chris commiserated. “That sucks.”
“I’m sure everything will be fine. Come on, let’s go hang out for a little while. Maybe we can play a few games.”
Zach followed Chris into the living room, crashing into his back when Chris stopped suddenly.
“What? What is it?”
Their eyes went automatically to the windowsill. Houseplant was in the same place they’d left it, but Water Bottle was all the way on the other side of the windowsill. Chris frowned. “Does something seem weird to you?”
Zach laughed nervously. “I’m sure everything’s fine, come on, let’s all hang out for a while.”
“Actually, Zach, can I talk to you outside for a minute? For FIVE MINUTES,” he said a little more loudly, aiming his words in the direction of the windowsill.
“Uh, sure.”
Chris led them out the door onto the front porch.
“What is it?” Zach asked.
Chris held up a hand. “Just wait a second. Okay…NOW!” He pushed open the door and jumped inside, pointing triumphantly at the windowsill. “AH HA! CAUGHT IN THE ACT!”
Zach gasped in shock. Water Bottle was all up on Houseplant, in the act of tipping its contents across Houseplant’s fertile soil. Chris tried to stop him, but Zach pushed past and ran over to the windowsill. “How….how could you? How could you do this to me?” he asked, his voice breaking.
Chris just crossed his arms and shook his head sadly as he looked at Water Bottle. “It’s over.”
*
“Zach, you need to stop this. Come on, I’m taking you out.”
“No!” Zach tipped his head back to chug the last of his Smirnoff Ice, then tossed it angrily into the growing pile of empty bottles in the recycling bin. “Leave me alone, Chris! My whole world is crashing down around me.”
“Your whole world? What about mine?! I loved Water Bottle. We were supposed to have...a life together,” Chris finished, choking back a sob.
Zach reached over to rub Chris’s shoulder, and Chris fell into his arms. They held each other for a long moment.
“This is nice,” Zach said quietly.
“Yeah.”
“Houseplant and I never really had this, you know?”
“Yeah. Samesies.”
“Really? But you and Water Bottle made out all the time!”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t the same. There was no comfort to be found there. No affection.” He ran his hands over Zach’s broad back. “No…chemistry.”
“Yeah.” Zach was quiet for a moment. “So, I went by the windowsill today….”
Chris sighed. “I told you not to do that, Zach.”
“I know.”
“Did you see them?”
“Yeah.”
“How…how did they look?”
“They looked, you know…good. I think Water Bottle’s really good for Houseplant. It’s wearing less yellow these days. It looks good, it looks…healthy.”
“You know, Zach…”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe this is a sign. Maybe Houseplant and Water Bottle were meant to be together, and…and maybe we were, too.”
Zach pulled back to look at him. “You think so?”
Chris shrugged. “Maybe we’ll be good for each other, too.”
Zach narrowed his eyes, and leaned forward impulsively to give Chris a lingering kiss on the lips. “Yeah,” he said, his eyes closed. “Maybe we will.”
*
“They sure look happy,” Karl muttered, flopping down on the couch next to John. He gestured to the windowsill where Zach and Chris were wrapped around each other in a passionate make-out session. “So I guess they’re together now?”
“Uh, yeah,” said John, as though it were obvious. “Saw that one coming a mile away.”
“What, really?”
“Oh please,” John scoffed. “Don’t tell me you never noticed the chemistry between those two.”
“Well, I mean, yeah. But, it’s Zach. He could have chemistry with a fucking houseplant!”
“True. And for a while there I thought Chris wouldn’t be able to stop drinking out of that damn water bottle long enough to let Zach kiss him. But I’m just glad they finally found each other.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
“Speaking of which, Karl, how are you and Buttons doing?” John asked, glancing pointedly at Karl’s shirt. “Seems like you two have been fighting a lot recently.”
Karl nodded. “We’ve been separated for a while. I think we’re going to break up for good.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Are you?”
John glanced at Karl, then let his eyes travel downward to that tantalizing swathe of skin visible where his shirt hung open. He swallowed dryly. “No,” he said, his voice husky. “No, I’m not sorry at all.”
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YOU HAVE A GIFT, GOOD LADY.
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